The Miracle of Retrieving the Divinity Incorporated Domain Name Back

 This last week, Sarah was talking to Amy, someone she works with energy wise. And she was talking about her website of divinityincorporated.org and how she lost the website to some stupid GoDaddy/Bluehost glitch. How much she was scared that it might cost so much to get it back, as well as having to take them to small claims court so that she could get some retribution for what happened. This is all she was telling Amy when Amy told her that domains.com was selling her domain name for only $12 and that she can get a protection plan so that this doesn't happen again. Sarah was overjoyed and we bought the domain back and everything.

She has contracted with Amy for her to work on her website and get it prepared for membervault which is something that she just got back, and for her class that she has been preparing for the last few months. Amy has been working to edit her book and also to be an editor for her website and we have been really appreciative and for the part she played in miraculously bringing back Sarah's website into existence.

I can wait for Sarah to start her class very soon.

Meanwhile, Sarah has been posting great stuff recently.

FIRST POST

Many years ago, before meeting my husband, I was deeply in love with a man I was dating. He was truly kind-hearted. (I personally witnessed small and large acts of kindness frequently). He was funny and fun to be around. He was intelligent, financially solvent, and generous. He loved God and his family. He was, from what I could see, the whole package. I learned quite a lot from him, and I appreciated how he challenged me on things and expanded my thinking. We talked for hours on varying topics, and it was obvious he cared deeply about life, the world, the gospel, and many things I held important too. Though he wanted to take things slowly, I could tell he liked me, and we just overall had a great time together. 

One day, after several months,  Heavenly Father told me that I should no longer continue to date this person. I was very surprised. I believed we were going to get married. It didn’t make sense to me. It was painful. There wasn’t any reason given. I knew him pretty well (and even know him now), and there are no deep secret skeletons I wasn’t aware of. I have made a promise to myself and God to do whatever he asks, and to trust him even when it was hard. And this one was an exceptionally difficult ask. 

I was talking to a dear friend of mine about this particular issue–basically bawling. I already knew I was going to follow God. I just needed some courage and some resolve–even some understanding. She reminded me of a picture I had seen of a little girl with Jesus. In the picture, the little girl was holding a small teddy bear. Jesus was asking for her to give the teddy bear to him. She said ‘But God, I love it.’ The picture showed something that the little girl could not see–that Jesus held a much larger teddy bear behind his back.

 This picture isn’t trying to suggest that bigger bears are necessarily better than smaller bears. Rather, it is saying that sometimes God asks us to give something up that we love because he has things in store for us that are better for us–they are a better fit, they will help us in better ways, etc. They are better for us in ways that we cannot now imagine. And my friend was saying that perhaps God was asking me to do this, not because the man I was dating was in any way bad, or even that our relationship wouldn’t work out happily–but because God knew someone who would, for whatever reason, be a better fit for me. 

I have been married to my husband John for almost seven years–the man God miraculously sent in my path. I will say that while, of course, the friend I dated before is still a wonderful person, I can see one hundred percent clearly how my husband is a perfect match for me in every way–and a much better match than any of the other men I dated before. John in many ways is very different from the man I mentioned earlier–just as kind-hearted and faithful and wonderful of course–but has a different temperament, different demeanor, different sense of humor etc. John is truly the most guileless, humble, and patient man I ever met. I didn’t know a man could possess such depth of character as he does, and I continue to be impressed by him every day. It also seems that my friend, who got married soon after I did, married a woman who is absolutely perfect for him, with characteristics that I do not possess, and has given him a life that I could not give. Though it was deeply painful at the time, as I look back, I realize that ‘giving up my small teddy bear’ and choosing a different path than what I thought I wanted, has absolutely been the best choice for me. 

 Last week I posted a meme going around that talked about how Jesus Christ came to transform lives, and ‘not to affirm identities.’ 

Several people commented on the meme with thoughts that really weren’t even on my radar when I posted the meme. Many comments agreed, and many disagreed. Some gave very interesting viewpoints that ranged from political ideas to how parents should handle disagreements with their children, and even some about neurodivergence and learning styles. The variety of responses surprised me, and gave me pause. I asked myself and others what makes up an ‘identity,’ what it means to ‘affirm identity,’ and what we do when Jesus asks us to change. 

I have thought about this quote and these comments a great deal since that time, and while I was pondering, I remembered my story about this man that I had dated. I think that some parts (certainly not all parts) of our identities that we hold on to might be like the small teddy bears. They’re not bad, they bring us comfort, and they definitely are a part of what we want. But we might come to a point in our lives where Jesus might ask us to give some portion of that identity over to him, and, in turn he will give us something that is a much better fit in the long wrong. We have an eternal identity that we might not yet know, and Jesus is waiting for us to turn to him to receive it. If Jesus asked us to make this sacrifice, how would we respond? 

The following essay is an exegesis about some thoughts I’ve had about identities and what it means to affirm an identity. My purpose isn’t to address any specific type of identity or affirmation, but rather, talk about general principles that might help us navigate difficult questions.

Jesus loves all of us. Jesus is the Son of God. He had several purposes in coming to earth, but one particularly was to point us to God. Another was to not only explain to us how to know God, and how to return to God in heaven, but also He IS the means whereby we come to God. It is through Jesus’ atoning sacrifice and resurrection, in which he saved us from the fall of Adam, took upon himself our sins, pains, weaknesses, problems, and also burst the bands of death so that we will be resurrected and have immortality. 

He invites us to come to God by becoming like him. We aren’t expected to be perfect in this life, but we are asked by Jesus to follow him, to ‘take up his cross,’ and, just as Jesus did, to do the Father’s will, even when that conflicts with our own. 

Each and every one of us have struggles in this life–both by the circumstances that happen to us, and also by our own choices, proclivities, and dispositions. One might have a tendency to lash out at others in anger. Another might have an inability to set boundaries, and continually be disrespected. Many deal with a variety of addictions. One person might hoard wealth selfishly. Another might be impoverished due to their own excessive spending or mismanagement. (And yet another might be impoverished due to no fault of their own.) 

People have difficulties–and even things we might classify as ‘sins’ in every single area of life. We may speculate on the causes. We might understand the reasons for varying behaviors, etc. And we certainly can have compassion on everyone regardless of what they’re going through. We also all have strengths and unique traits that equip us individually for our journeys in life. At a young age, Joseph of Egypt told his older brothers that he would be their leader.  In response, he was sold into slavery, falsely accused of sexual assault, imprisoned, freely helped others be released from prison by interpreting their dreams, was promised aid and then forgotten about, etc. . But eventually, all of those experiences led him to become the one God had prepared to save Egypt, Israel, and all of the surrounding area from famine. 

He could have chosen any one of those things to be a part of his ‘identity.’ They were all aspects of his life that shaped him. Which parts might have helped him or hindered him? 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with developing a sense of identity. In fact, developmental psychologists do a lot of research to understand the vital importance of ‘identity’ in our ability to face life’s challenges and overcome different struggles. They conclude that a sense of identity is vital to being a well-adjusted adult. But what exactly is an identity? And how does what we ‘identify’ as  help us or hinder us? 

I remember learning about a study in which psychologists tested two groups of children on some puzzles. The first set of puzzles given to both groups were relatively easy and age appropriate. The adults praised the first group with comments such as ‘oh you finished those puzzles–you are so smart!’ While the second group received feedback such as ‘oh you finished those puzzles–you worked so hard,’ or ‘you finished those puzzles, you kept going even when it was challenging.’ 

The researchers then gave the children harder puzzles. The group that was told they were ‘smart’ had a really difficult time with the harder puzzles. They wanted to give up. They wanted to stick with the easier puzzles. The other group, however, persevered and succeeded. When questioned, they said they wanted more difficult puzzles, and didn’t want to go back to the easier puzzles. The researchers asserted that the reason for this was that the children who identified themselves as ‘smart’ were met with something that challenged their identity. They believed the children reasoned within themselves ‘if I am smart, then that means the puzzle is supposed to be easy for me.’ Since the puzzle wasn’t easy for them, then that made them feel like they weren’t smart, and that made them uncomfortable. The researchers believed that this is why they wanted to go back to the easier puzzles–because the puzzles ‘affirmed their identity.’ Conversely, the group that was told they were ‘hardworking’ or ‘they persevered’ etc, ’ were able to still take that identity to the next level of puzzles. They were hard-working, and they didn’t give up across both the easy and the harder group of puzzles. 

There is nothing inherently wrong with identifying oneself as smart. There is nothing wrong with identifying oneself as hard-working. But if that identification prohibits you from doing things that will help you progress, or that will bring you joy, perhaps you need to reframe your meaning, or shift your identification. For instance, these kids might want to change their definition of ‘smart’ from meaning ‘tasks are easy for me’ to ‘I am capable of learning and understanding challenging material.’ Or, if the ‘hardworking’ kids take this identity and then choose to not learn how to receive help or how to rest and relax, or if they are always working hard toward the expectations of others and not asking themselves what they really want, then this label might be a hindrance to them in the future.  (I don’t expect them to do this because they’re kids, but it might be helpful for them to explore this when they are teens and young adults.) 

As demonstrated in this study, it is vitally important to question what you might identify as, the underlying meanings of those identification, and how affirming or shifting that identity may help you or hinder you. Affirming an identity might be the worst or the best thing for you.  I have identified and elucidated some other examples. 

Generally speaking, the identity of being a ‘mother’ is categorized as a ‘good’ thing. Mothers do tremendous work in the raising of their children. However, with motherhood, we see how our definitions and paradigms of ‘what it means to be a mother’ might be helpful or hurtful. If, for example, a mother believes that motherhood means ‘my job is to make my child happy’ then this can be painful for a woman to realize that not only is controlling a child’s mood impossible, but it might hinder your child’s growth to never allow your child discomfort at the expense of teaching important lessons. Furthermore, If your view of ‘motherhood’ means to ‘always take care of my child’ then you might have a big identity crisis when all of your children are grown and it’s time for them to take care of themselves. While you may still be an important part of your life, your role has changed from doing hands-on work for their survival, to playing more of an accessory role, as your child’s friends, job, spouse, and children take precedence over the time they can spend learning and receiving from you. If motherhood is an identity that, in your view, is vitally connected to what it means to be a woman, then you might struggle painfully if you or someone you know had a period of time of infertility. The same could be said with other roles in our lives as well.  

What does it mean to be ‘Black’ or ‘White’ or ‘Asian’ or ‘Latino?’ Is it purely a skin color? What if you don’t have that skin color but the rest of your family does? Is it a cultural paradigm? Is it the way you talk? What if you were adopted?  What does it mean to be a ‘father,’ a ‘mother,’ a ‘brother’ or ‘sister?’ The ‘oldest’ or ‘youngest’? What does it mean to be an ‘only child?’ How do you see it compared to how others see it? What parts of this meaning are stereotypical and what parts are factual? Are there parts that you wish you could change, or you feel that your culture needs to change its definitions of? What does it mean to be conservative or liberal? A Trump follower or a Harris follower? What does it mean to be single or married? What does it mean to be a blue collar or a white collar worker? What does it mean to be a feminist? An American? A Christian? A Californian? A Midwesterner? What about married, single, divorced or widowed? What attributes are we applying to our identities that are patently false, do not serve us, or merely don’t belong? 

Really ask yourself what it means to have an identity and affirm an identity. How does that affect your life and the role you play in your family, at church, in your community and in your society at large? How does that define you? If that were to somehow change, how would you handle that? What does it mean to whatever you identify as?

Is God looking down on us when we wrestle with one another and ourselves about our identities, and saying, as the famed Inigo Montoya once did “you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” 

The post I shared talked about how Jesus transforms lives, and not affirms identities. That doesn’t in and of itself mean that affirming an identity is ‘bad.’ Rather, I think that Jesus asks us transform our lives, in part through inviting us to examine what we think our own identity is and how that definition is serving us. I personally believe that in our walk with Christ, most, if not all things we ‘identity with’ will be brought into question. 

In the Book of Mormon, the disciples asked Jesus what the church ought to be. Jesus responded by saying that it is his church, and therefore must be called in his name. He said ‘if a church be called in Moses’ name, then it be Moses’ church;’ or if it be called in the name of a man, then it must be the church of a man.’ I find this so fascinating in regards to the discussion about identities. When we are baptized, we become ‘new creatures in Christ’ and are asked to take upon his name. We must be so careful to not be so attached to our identities that we are identifying ourselves with something other than Jesus Christ. Moses is a wonderful person–a prophet even, and he had thousands of people following him in the wilderness, as led by God. But if those people decided that they were the people of Moses instead of the people of Christ, that would be a problem. In fact, their descendants DID have this problem. They identified themselves as the children of Moses instead of recognizing that Christ was the person who called Moses in the first place. 

Is there anything about the groups with which we identify that hinders us from being disciples of Christ? We can all certainly think of things in every single group–even the behavior of some people at church–that keep us from becoming like God. Does that mean we must relinquish all identity with these things? Probably not. But to what degree should we ‘affirm’ this identity? You don’t have to answer that to me or anybody else, but you definitely ought to wrestle it between you and God. 

 In that same chapter in 3 Nephi, Jesus continues: 

“And if it so be that the church is built upon my gospel then will the Father show forth his own works in it.

 ‘But if it be not built upon my gospel, and is built upon the works of men, or upon the works of the devil, verily I say unto you they have joy in their works for a season, and by and by the end cometh, and they are hewn down and cast into the fire, from whence there is no return’ (vs 10-11). 

I find it interesting that those whose works are not built upon the gospel of Jesus Christ, but rather built upon the works of men or the works of the devil will have joy for a season. Why is that? Probably because the works of men and of the devil aren’t always entirely BAD initially. What do I mean by this? Look back on my story about the man that I dated. He was a good man. He wasn’t bad. He was appealing in several ways and has gone on to live what seems to be a great life in his marriage. There would have been nothing, as far as the eye could see, inherently wrong with my continuing to date, and possibly marrying him. The problem was that God asked me not to. He asked me to stop. Yes, later on, I found out some of the reasons. But even if I had never understood the reason, the fact is, that because dating and marrying him was against what God had asked me to do, my doing so would have been ‘the work of men.’ ‘Men’ in this verse refers to humans. Specifically in my case, it refers to ME. It’s my OWN work, opposed to the will of God. (I believe that one was just me, not of actually of the devil–that’s my personal opinion). 

Men, by that I mean, the human species, altogether aren’t BAD. I’m not BAD. The guy I dated isn’t BAD. We have lots of incredible people on earth who see problems and try to solve them. Some of these people are influenced by selfish motives and sneakily, with secret combinations, manipulate entire societies for their own gain. (That’s the work of the devil.) But more often than not, groups of people are just trying to do the best that they can with the information that they have. They try to make a living, feed their families, solve problems, be good neighbors, etc. They alone, however, don’t always see the big picture. For example, educators in the 1800s were likely well-meaning, and probably had the best intentions to help teach and raise successful children. I’m certain they ascribed to some education principles we still hold true today. However, looking back, some of their methods might have been antiquated or even downright damaging to the children. This might be considered ‘the work of men.’ It seems to look all fine and dandy at the time, but after a season, humanity discovers the ill effects of these methods. The work of the devil, on the other hand, usually can be appealing to our carnal desires for wealth, status, (especially at the expense of others),  to stroke our egos, to practice unrighteous dominion, or appear ‘right,’ to gratify our pride, etc. Again, some of those things might have short-lived fruits, but in the end create disparities and pain among families and societies, which have long-lasting, intergenerational effects. 

When we think about identities and affirming identities, we must ask ourselves ‘what about this label, this group of people, this ideology is the work of Christ, and what about it might be the work of men or the work of the devil? Like picking out weeds from a garden, Christ asks us to closely examine the fruits of our works, and to remove the definitions and assumptions about our identities that are not in line with his gospel. 

 Christ continues further in the same chapter: 

“For their works do follow them, for it is because of their works that they are hewn down; therefore remember the things that I have told you.

 ‘Behold I have given unto you my gospel, and this is the gospel which I have given unto you—that I came into the world to do the will of my Father, because my Father sent me.

‘And my Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross; and after that I had been lifted up upon the cross, that I might draw all men unto me, that as I have been lifted up by men even so should men be lifted up by the Father, to stand before me, to be judged of their works, whether they be good or whether they be evil—

‘And for this cause have I been lifted up; therefore, according to the power of the Father I will draw all men unto me, that they may be judged according to their works.

‘And it shall come to pass, that whoso repenteth and is baptized in my name shall be filled; and if he endureth to the end, behold, him will I hold guiltless before my Father at that day when I shall stand to judge the world” (verses 12-16). 

 Christ makes it clear here that we will be judged of our works. Examining identities isn’t just a philosophical or mental exercise. Our beliefs and feelings, and how we define ourselves, are precursors to actions. The foundation of our identities is the foundation of our works. It is imperative that we talk to God about His view of our identities, and what parts should be affirmed or renounced. Yes, we don’t have to act on our thoughts and feelings, but if we have beliefs that certain behaviors are okay because of how we identify–even when they are against the commandments–well, then that’s a serious problem. I know a man who believed that being a priesthood holder meant he had authority to boss his wife and children around–and discipline them physically, etc. The scriptures are clear that practicing unrighteous dominion is unacceptable–but he did it anyway because he believed this was part of his identity-that this is what it means to be a good father. I knew another man who believed that his mental illness made it okay for him to ‘decompress’ by staying out with women all night, even though his wife and children were home waiting for him. I know people who believe that, because they are poor, that they are entitled to the resources of others, even without their permission. These examples are extreme, but they are real. The exercise of examining our identities is vital because our identities might be rooted in trauma, in generational false traditions, in coping mechanisms that were once helpful but no longer are, or works that look good in principle but are unhelpful in practice. Jesus, over time, helps us face these difficulties with grace, support and love, so that we do not need to continue holding onto identities that hurt us and other people.

Alcoholics who go through recovery often continue to identify with this term because it helps them acknowledge their powerlessness. They recognize that without help from God, they could never remain sober. While perhaps one day God might ask them to not identify as an alcoholic anymore, for the time being, if it helps them do God’s work, then it’s a good identification. At the same time, however, other people identify as alcoholics and use that as a reason to tell themselves they are incapable of change. The same affirmation of identity can bring about two separate sets of ‘works.’ 

Words and beliefs are powerful–both to the good and the bad. Identifying oneself with a group can be empowering and helpful. It can also create false beliefs, expectations, or even pressure. For example, seeking a diagnosis (medical, psychological or otherwise) can be helpful in that it might give an explanation for the things one is experiencing, and it might help delineate a treatment path. Without a diagnosis, school children cannot receive special supports that might be needed to help them succeed in school, and patients might not receive insurance coverage for specific medication. Downsides to diagnoses, however, might be identifying ‘too much’ with the problem. A child placed in a special needs classroom for extended hours during the day might begin mimicking difficult behaviors exhibited by other children. A patient with a diagnosis might begin to lose hope of ever achieving dreams or goals because of the diagnosis. I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of people whose doctors gave them a prognosis of a shorter life expectancy, said they would never have children, etc. but, in spite of all their challenges, they beat all the odds. We even see people diagnosed with narcissism opening up about their lives on the internet and sharing how they are learning to have good interpersonal and romantic relationships, even with their mental difficulties. What if these people chose to ‘identify’ with their diagnoses to the degree that they relegated themselves to shorter lives, infertility, poverty mindset, etc etc? 

I guess I ultimately think that, while it’s not bad and sometimes it can be important to identify with a group of people, a life experience, a group of feelings, a diagnosis, a stage of life, etc etc, I want to make sure we’re not thinking small potatoes. Many, many things can be part of our personality–but that doesn't have to define who we are. My thumb is an important, small part of my body. If I put my thumb in front of my eye and close my other one, all I see is my thumb. Let us make sure we put into proper perspective the different parts of ourselves. 

Furthermore, the work to question our assumptions and perceptions about our own identities goes hand in hand with questioning our perceptions of the identities of other people. I remember seeing a drawing of a man with a sleeveless biker vest and hat on, tattoos on his arms. He was sitting in church. In nearby pews were other people whispering about his appearance and questioning why he was in church and judging his devotion to Jesus. At the same time, however, this man was in prayer asking God to lead him and offering God his whole heart. While it is sometimes important to use discernment in our interactions with others, to make sure we are not continually deceived, abused, or taken advantage of, generally speaking, we must be slow to conclude judgment regarding how people identify because they might not have the same definitions about their identities as you. 

So did Christ come to earth to affirm identities? Sure! He affirms our identity to the degree that our perception of our identity is in line with the truth. He IS the truth. And he is love. And we are called to become like him. Christ affirms in us the truth and goodness about ourselves and asks us to change whatever beliefs we have that are not true–whatever is in our thoughts and behavior that is not love. He is the light, and that light shines in us as we follow him. He is the way whereby we can know our eternal identity. 

I invite us all to ask so we can receive, to invite him in when he knocks, to learn of him and listen to his words and walk in the meekness of his Spirit. And we may have peace in him.